What a wonderful rainy day. Although I got rained out at work and made no money today, it’s ok because in retrospect I have had a wonderful day that the money I would of made probably couldn’t have purchased. What was so wonderful about today you may ask? Absolutely nothing and everything at the same time. There was nothing different about today beside gaining yet more time to reflect on all I have. With each day that passes I just see more and more and I’m more and more thankful for the people who are in my life and how God has used me to shine His light. 

I’ve gotten to experience some new things this week. Some great things that have been happening in the lives of others, that I have been blessed enough to be able to be a part of. A close friend of mine I had mentioned the other day in my writing, ended up finding herself in a Christian coffee shop/worship center in her town. She just stumbled upon it and decided to go in. She found herself at home here, she found herself in tears after finally mustering up the courage to embrace what she needs to do for herself. She messaged me again today saying that she was there again. Thank you God for bringing forth a place of comfort for her, and so near by no less. It’s wonderful to see God’s hand at work.

Last night I got to hang with a close friend that has had some difficulties in the past year. It could appear from anyone around her as if it could be just a nightmare, but hope is so prominent through herm constant effort to push forward. We got to catch up over a bite to eat and kind of discuss openly what we had been up to and what might be somethings to do in order to still see forward progress and keep on keepin on. 

Tonight as I write I’m sitting near to a table with two guys. One an older man and the other a young man in his early 20’s. The older gentlemen is discussing where he had gone wrong so long ago in his marriage and describing his life so to speak, up until the present. The young man listens and then returns the favor of sharing what he’s currently going through. I have a new profound appreciation for honest men who can share openly about such things. It’s a good point to be at, whether its with someone close to you or a perfect stranger.

I’m currently writing a new book. I just started a few days ago and just writing and letting God’s hand intervene to see where it should be taken. It was interesting though, after the first day of writing I saw that it had somewhat transformed into a devotional of sorts. Which is something I’ve always really wanted to write. The cool thing was is that the following morning “Yesterday”, I was reading my devotional that I had been doing for the past 7 months, and as I came to the end of the paragraph to do the lesson that normally follows… it was blank. I had finished the whole thing and didn’t even know it was coming to an end due to the 20 index pages that followed. I didn’t realize it till after, but the timing was amazing, as well as the closing devotional. The scripture was based upon almost the same thing that I had started writing for my book. It’s almost as if what I was writing would continue where my devotional left off. I found it so inspiring and such a great sign that it would be taken in the right direction. 

Well, I’m off to create some new music. Thank you God for a good day and hopefully a continuing great night. To my new companion who is out of town in her physical training, I pray that God blesses her with all the strength she needs to endure the rest of her time there. Grant all my loved ones and ones who need prayer tonight, safe and comforted by the hand of your spirit. Amen.

I’ve decided that I will no longer be keeping track of the what day it is, as far as this blog is concerned. I don’t feel it as important as focusing on what the substance of the writing will be, so I shall just be sharing through new titles in no particular order. 

This past week as well as the one before it has held a lot of new things that have been nothing but uplifting. Last week my new companion and I,” that’s how I will refer to her, seeing that I’m leaving it to the Lord to make the title what He will”, to a concert that i performed at last Friday night. A few of my old friends that I haven’t really communicated with in about 6 months ended up showing up. I felt strange at first due to the previous situation and the fact that they more or less just ceased communication with me because of it. But it was great. I nonchalantly walked over and said hi and said that it was great to see them. About ten minutes later they came over to talk and I introduced them to my new friend. They were so open and welcoming which gave me a great peace. This really showed me that they had gotten over what had happened in the past and where ready to move on. As I played they made her feel welcome in there company by including her in their conversation and hanging out with her. the following day I got to have the opportunity to attend frisbee again, which I haven’t been able to do in months. Again, nothing but open arms welcoming me back and good friends willing to move forward and just enjoy our time. 

More and more things continue to happen  in my days that are perpetually leading me closer and closer to where I need to be next. I haven’t blogged in a couple weeks, but I”m not sure if it was from no motivation or just a thought that I was getting bored with it. But today has been a delight in itself. Through the last handful of days I’ve been contacted by old friends who I once has to stop talking to in order to get my life and my self back in track to where I needed to be. But one by one they have showed me that what I continue to sit here and write each time I do so, truly has a purpose. It’s not my place to stop God’s word and intervention if I’ve been blessed as a vessel for Him to work through. He has been able to take the people who have meant so much to me, that have struggled with the same things, and used me to shine His light through.

Today I was contacted at such a perfect time on my ride home from my little vacation. It was an old Co Worker I worked with a couple years ago that I hadn’t talked to in over 5 months. She is going through a lot, and a lot of things that I can relate to and understand so well. Things that I had to let go of, conquer and grow from. But now l’ve been graced with the circumstance that has put me where I need to be in order to help. We met for lunch and shared a great conversation. So many things had been building and building for so long and has finally brought her to her breaking point at rock bottom. Most people would view thing as a tragedy, but I was filled with Hope. I was filled will a happiness that only let my eyes see her strength. The strength to start the first step. The strength to start this new journey that she has been craving for so long.

The best part was that the similarities between her and my new found companion were so complimentary towards one another’s healing. I smiled as I admired God’s glorious step in the plan unseen. The fact that He could take two people that would have never met in any circumstance and used me to potentially bring the two together was remarkable. I so excited to hopefully share what may come of that.

As I was out of town my “friend” and I sat at the bookstore there and I got on my computer to write music as she did her daily devotional. I once prayed a long time ago that if I wasn’t to lead the Ministry that has been set upon my heart, that I would meet the person who would be the one to do so. Each and every time I meet with her she feels more and more strongly about it. She feels a calling to take Know Hope Ministries and help build it’s foundation. I felt called to create it, but didn’t know where to start as far as who it would be targeted to. She feels in her heart that it should start as a relationships ministry. Each time she has more and more ideas towards it, and no until this weekend did I see how much she was called to do so.

She sat across the table in astonishment as she read both her daily devotional as well as her book on Mother Theresa. The both combined spoke to her so well hand in hand, that she was filled with so much compassion and conviction that she broke into tears at least three times. That is the most I’ve seen God shine through her. It was so heart warming to see her in that state. That’s the face and feeling of true happiness. Not the happiness that we try to create for ourselves in our own doings, but a happiness that can only be brought forth from the Lord. 

After all of these things that have happened that have once again revived me in order to write again, yet another great thing happened seconds before I sat down here tonight. For the longest time , especially throughout the time I first started all this, I had felt like I should put a retreat together. I felt like it would be a perfect compilation of music, talking, fellowship and experience. Tonight I ran into an old friend I used to do retreats with. Mainly I just did the music and so forth, but in talking we seem to see eye to eye on where the future of things both in the church and in the community are going. He said he loved to write retreats and would be really interested in writing on with me. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. I think it could be something that would be very good in the church community and that would bring healing to a lot of people. If all of what I’ve been though has been done in order to bring healing towards the world through what has happened, then I’m more than a hundred percent willing to go forth in full dedication to bring God’s will to whom ever needs it.

I’m so excited to see what this next week will hold. I can’t even imagine worrying about the things I used to in my past. God has me completely under His love arms and will continue to bless me with what I need. Believing in God will not free you from hurt or things that may bring you challenges in life, but He will bring you through each of those situations to be stronger and wiser. He is the only comfort that we should seek. Until we realize this, He shall continue to place you in situations that will help you see what you need to let go of. This is not a bad thing, but a blessing. We view losing things as a sign of loss and regression, when in fact it is a direct touch from God telling us what we need and don’t need.

We will find that what we try to not be most in our lives is what the Lord will have us become, even for just a short amount of time, in order to feel that defeat. In order to feel the need for Him, and to know that we cannot do it alone. It is in the times we have become what we hate, that we can see love for wanting to become what the Lord will make us. 

Go in peace, go in love. Go out to the world and be open in every way. If we are closed off to others then we may never find how to become “ONE” as brothers and sisters. We are the world of the searching, lets walk this journey together. God Bless.

It’s been a little over a week since the last time I’ve sat down to write. None the less I have been accomplishing quite a bit of what I feel are both things that are moving me forth from where I have been. In many ways this week I have been filled with more and more love in my heart. I submitted my book/blog to a Christian publishing company that got approved for publishing, and now it’s up to me to make a decision or on carrying it to the next level. I definitely feel convicted to get it published, more than anything else I feel it will be the biggest piece in leading me onto the next step of my purpose.

I’ve completed all the tracks for my new CD and have continued to write even more, which will help once again show where I been, what has been conquered, and what shines before me on this path God has in front of me. I truly feel that the the passion and foundation I have strived for my entire life has finally become what it is meant to be. I feel like my heart and mind are in their right spots in order to take on this responsibility as one of God’s children. As one of His children ready to carry out their meaning for existing. Especially in the way He has intended. With no self righteous intentions at hand or any ambition towards bettering how I am viewed my the world. It is all for God and the soul intention of touching people’s hearts in the way I know how to best. If I was to do it any different up till this point, or if He had granted me my dream of “making it”, then I would have never come to find the true feeling and meaning of what I was trying to stand for; for so long. I know personally I would not have been able to deal with that responsibility at an any earlier time.

This weekend was spent with my new companion in great conversation. I’m so thankful to be spending time with someone who has such a spiritual connection with me and for someone who is willing to be so open to understanding me. At first we were so so different, but through the connection we have with just God alone, and placing our trust in Him to do with us as He will; He has taken us leaps and bounds as far as our understandings of each other as people. In being open to how God wants to change you, you will discover how much He has done in you and how much you can gain through and open heart. You will find that within this one connection , God will mold you with people you thought was impossible to ever mesh with. You will find that each time the other person finally “gets” another part of you, whether that is a perspective, a common interest or even just a simple thought, you will be drawn together ever so close within that very moment. In these moments is where God enables us to see and feel Him in someone else.

The more of these experiences and connections we gain throughout our time on this earth only helps us to see God in everything. This is where we find ourselves at home. This is where God shows us that it is not within a space build with walls that secures us, but a world built with love that shows us that the whole world is all one big home that we all share together. Knowing this brings me comfort, because I know there is no need to fear being lost within your own home, you’re only lost within a place where you are alone; and where the Lord is present there is no need to do so.

Today I was asked a very good question. Maybe one that may never be answered or ever have a distinct answer. I feel it is a question that is the turning point for a lot of people in their personal connection as far as prayer and discussions with God goes. The question was; If God has a will for us, and if He already knows what is going to happen, then what is the point of prayer? Other than getting closer to God, what is the purpose in praying for someone or something to be fixed if the Lord already has a decision. Such as someone with a disease or illness that is destined to have their live come to an end, and in praying for that person, is it selfish to think that you; the prayer, knows best for that individual. This question is very deep on many levels and I think that it offers a lot to think about. In my opinion it’s a great question.

So the best answer I could come up with was that, within the act of praying for someone, even though it may not change the ultimate outcome, it’s brings the connection between us and God to higher level as well as the compassion level for people within the act of devoting a part of our time to thinking about the general well being of another person. It helps the individuals that are praying really understand the depth of the situation and I think it really helps us as people come to appreciate the mere thought of someone doing the same for us. The power of prayer is amazing. It it not something that can be manipulated in order to have something granted that is not meant to come into fruition, but it is a way to bring the already blessings and fruitful things God has provided into the light. The fact that one person is praying is just the light needed to creep out into someone else to cause a reaction. So prayer that is brought forth in in the masses is basically bringing the Lord and all His wisdom forth in order to help others see the light He will bring to that particular situation.

About a week ago I realized the best way to find out if someone if looking at you from afar or from across a room, is to create a fake yawn. It’s a dead give away and it’s simply a contagious thing. Yawn, and then look back over at the individual within a few seconds and most of the time you’ll get you’re answer. Then I was thinking, if only we could spread God so contagiously as we do yawning. A fellow co worker asked me last week if I were to have Jesus come down and stand right in front of me, what three questions would I have for Him. As funny as it sounds, the only question I would have is; why are yawns contagious? I’d really love to hear the answer. As far as everything else is concerned, I wouldn’t want to know. I love the mystery behind life and the unknowns paths we are to take in order for everything to connect in the end. Maybe the connection is no coincidence, maybe God and His creative sense of humor lye in something as simple as a yawn. Maybe that’s why it is something utterly contagious and unstoppable in it’s achievement of causing us to have a reaction that we cannot stop. A undesirable action that causes us to inhale and take a deep, only to be so relieved through it’s overtaking of our entire bodies proceeding with an exhale. This just maybe God’s way of reminding us that we need to be more thankful and a pay a bit more attention to when we breathe. In this act we should remember that we are no in control. He grants us the gift of life each day.

So maybe next time when we find ourselves yawning for a reason unknown, we can say a little prayer to thank God for everything we have. We aren’t praying to solve or fix anything. We are simply praying in order to both gain a new knowledge and understanding of the prayed for situation as well as pray that the one prayed for gains that very same thing for the final conclusion that the Lord has set out to unravel. Let the love of the Lord spread as if the entire world was all yawning at once. As if we are all taking a deep breathe of Him, sitting with it, and then breathing him back out to others that a yearning so deeply to discover Him. Thank you Lord for this past week and continue to bring people and opportunities forth in my life and the one around me in order to grown ever closer to you.

Today we remember all the individuals who have been affected in anyway by abortion. We celebrate the anniversary of Roe V.S Wade and continue to support life. Whether it is in a child born or unborn or in the youth or adults in the world. Let us us live in a way that with inspire others to want to let another soul live in that same light. Amen

This week has held a lot a good things. Come to think of it, it has been nothing but good. Despite money and other things that my mind completely doesn’t factor in as something that could bring me down in a day, my week has been mostly a never ending smile. 

I was able to go to see my wife to get haircut with my sister to tag along. It is in a comfortable spot now to where I can handle that situation with nothing but a loving heart in wanting to see her happy no matter what that means. What ever that may entail for her and I , I am fully indulged in the trusting of God to do what is best for the both of us. She has opened up in a bit more communication towards me which is very comforting. It gives me the feeling that she is closer to the door of forgiveness and that she realizes that I have changed and wish her nothing but the absolute best in life. Among everything else I want to have her as a friend. If not one who communicates with me everyday, at least one who will be their if I truly need her. 

Yesterday I headed out to Orlando for the weekend in which is where I’m writing from today. Tonight I’ll be going to the circus which I haven’t gone to for as long as I can remember. Yesterday as I began my drive, I saw a homeless man on the side of the road. Among about three others on the surrounding corners at the light, he was the one who stood out to me the most. He was the only one I could tell was the most comfortable and embracive to the fact of what had happened to him to lead him to where he is right now in life and was able to to still show a sense of humor. He stood there will a dummy, a puppet of himself dressed in the same closes as himself. He stood there with his arm up it’s back controlling the dummy’s mouth and expressions. So it appeared as if the puppet was asking for spare change. How amazing I thought, here stands a person who is literally with no place to go or nothing to his name, and he has decided to embrace it with the utmost of humor with a smile on his face. This many may have been holding a puppet that was an exact resemblance of himself, but he was surly no dummy. 

As I drove by I wanted nothing more than to give him money, but he was on the other side of traffic where I couldn’t  even wave him over if i tried. i just watched as I sat. He was the light that shined in my day to show the true essence of hope. You see, it doesn’t matter if you own a thing or have a house to call your own. You can own a hundred houses and still be homeless, because the home lies inside your heart. If you are comfortable within your own skin you can be anywhere and feel as if you are at home. 

For some of us it is hard to imagine ourselves living this life as if we have no foundation, as if we lost in a world where we have no place to settle down at night in comfort and consistency. Others like myself ,can go and end up anywhere at the end of the day and still feel completely comfortable and at peace with where ever we rest our heads. This is because I take no foundation in man made structures or the owning of such things in order to make me feel at home. I try my hardest to just be at home within my heart and let God be my foundation. In this is where we find where we truly belong to live. 

Life will be a constant never ending battle to get to the next level. Most people see this as the next purchase or upgrade in our lifestyles that will yet a gain put us a respectable and comfortable place amongst our peers and observers. But we will never be able to see the true next level until we find our home within the Lord. The home that can never be broken and the home that will be with us no matter where we sleep at night. 

I found myself yesterday in tears just at the thought of happiness. A smiled because of the love that God has instilled inside of me. For even if the people in our lives are for some reason not there when we wake up the next morning, let us praise the Lord of what they have contributed to us and what they have help us become and understand. I leave you today with a happy heart. I want to express how much I love every person that is involved in my life right now. You are all so important to me. Thank you Lord for this day and may be all be blessed in the days to come. Let us be your children and let us only find that the home we have always been meant to have cannot be purchased, but can only recieved in our hearts by the grace of your love. God bless.

AMEN

Yesterday morning while working out of town, I was in the restroom of the hotel room I was staying in and I heard a news story that caught my ear. It started with the Broadcaster saying that there was an amazing story from the night before at a local high school. It was about a basketball player which name was never caught in my over hearing. The story was that there was just a few seconds left on the clock at the end of an intense game and the player had the ball in his hands, but was being heavily guarded and was unfortunately faced way from the basket. With just a second to spare and as the crowd was screaming for him to shoot it, he launched the ball backwards over his head making the shot with nothing but net. The crowd and his team rejoiced with joy as they congratulated him on his amazing shot that would put them into overtime. The broadcaster went on just seconds after to announce” The team unfortunately went on to lose the game , but the boy’s shot will be remembered forever”.

This story just put things into perspective for what we have been called to do in the Lord. My end result at this point , after almost six months of perseverance and dedication resulted in an ending that to a storyteller of happy endings would appear to be nothing but a failed attempt. But are we too focused on the finale? Although the ending may not have been what was anticipated, it was the effort, the “Shot” that will always be remembered. 

We as followers of Christ should expect this in most cases. We should expect to have things work out differently then we assumed they would. In order to show us that we are not in control. To show us that no matter how much we put in to something, if it’s not God’s will, or if timing isn’t right, He will be the one to place us where we’re to be. This may seem backwards or strange to the human mind, but aren’t we here to give all of what we are and have to God in order to show how much we love Him and to understand our true focus in life? All we are called to do is to trust in Him. Trust in Him and put our best effort forth. We may never have books written about us or have a movie made about our lives, but that is the humbleness we should come to love in order be able to live fully for God without expecting any kind of recognition from the people surround us. 

Of course we love to be complimented and told that what we are doing or have done has made an impact on someone or improved something for the better. But in the end we need to learn how to be confident in our own skin, enough to be content with knowing that God has the best compliment waiting for us when we are all through. Heaven. Heaven is the ultimate achievement and loving gesture that we could ever be granted after this long ride. We must make a conscious effort everyday to see everything that happens as another step closer to our ultimate goal. 

After almost 30 years I have finally come to accept who I am. I have been able to sort through the things that have been clouding my mind and heart of what I am and what I should be doing. I’ve always that music was how I was going to be able to best express who I was to the world and truly relate to others. I found myself through the years striving for something that didn’t matter at all. The success of making it and the achievement of making a living by doing what I loved and getting my recognition that I felt was owed to me. But I was so wrong. Doing music for the love of it and playing because I know that’s what God wants me to to is all I focus on now. I’ve left the parts behind that blurred the lines between my dreams and my calling. I know that it is in fact the effort I have made that has keep me on the path towards where I am to be going. The ones who finally “make it” just end up losing there drive and reason once they no longer have a road to climb. The ones who are always climbing are alway moving upward in the eyes of the Lord. 

Today I’m enjoying the day. As I try to do everyday at this point. I place no focus upon negativity or things in my life that could change my view on this new life. I am growing closer and closer to being completely separated from earthly things. My ability to write, play music and just talk to whom ever wants to indulge in conversation, has place me in a state of happiness. I let the day play out in which ever way it wants to and I shall see the good in whatever that may be. 

Today I challenge you to just enjoy. Enjoy everything even if it may not be in your plan, and when plans so change, say “Thank God”, for in an unpredictable life is where we find the one who is truly in control. God Bless.

AMEN

Yesterday was the day I decided to remove my wedding ring. I feel that the closure I had on Monday was the Lord telling me “Son, you are released.” I continued my persistent journey to renew the bond and love between my wife and I, but to it’s apparent observation she does not want any part of me in her life. This of coarse may or may not change, but at this moment I’m both happy and content with where God has taken me. 

Tonight I met for dinner with my new partner in this growth and healing. Her and I shared a wonderful meal and for the past few days it seems like my heart has just been waiting to embrace love again and to just let it out in anyway possible. Today it was different, I always felt close with her and felt a huge connection through our common ground even through our differences. But tonight it was as if a wall had been removed. I think we saw each other in full. Saw each other for everything we had to offer. It didn’t matter where we came from, it only mattered where we are right now. 

The Lord has taken the part of me that was so desperate to give love and shown me the new way and to the new person I am to share it. Neither of us claim to know the answers , nor do we claim to know God’s full plan, but time after time I have given the Lord the freedom to tell me no, or give me a sign or signal to divert me from her. But He has done nothing but entitled both of us to more than impeccable timing. I do have my thoughts on the matter, but I try my hardest to not over think or over plan with anticipation. Instead I sit and let God do His work. 

In most cases I’m sure the church may or may not say this would be wrong, or even immoral for two people to be involved with one another when neither one are fully disconnected from their current spouses. But what is marriage on a piece of paper? If never truly married in a church in the eyes of God then is that something that can be justified? I know a marriage is only as good and as true as the two people who said the vows, but does is have an effect upon that marriage if isn’t done in it’s proper way and place?

Today I realized the first step I took of my path with the Lord was sacrificing Him for my wife. Instead of sticking to what I truly believed, I sacrificed Him right along with small things that I thought I needed to let go of in order to fulfill my “Husband” role. How could I not have seen this? Along with compromising things like what type of food I preferred or what things I like to do after work or on the weekend, or trying to make a conscious effort to put the toilet seat down; I threw out God. How could I have been so blind?

The number one thing we must know in life, in relationships, and in marriage is that God MUST come first. He commands us to love Him first and treat our spouses and loved ones with the reflection of His very love. If we don’t do this, we will find ourselves losing the very essence that make the existence of love possible. Without God as the source of it’s basis, it is meaningless. Nothing less than a poor rendition of the greatest thing we as humans will ever find upon this earth. Like a remake to a flawless movie that should have never been touched again after it’s first perfect completeness. 

God has called me to love. He has called me to spread this love in His name and in His light. I have been diligent in my walk with Him and have tried my very hardest to keep my ears, eyes and heart open to His will. I know He is leading me. I know there will soon be a turning point very soon. Lord please continue to help me make the right decisions. I thank you so much for the guidance and I pray that I am hearing all I am to hear. I will never know the future, nor will I ever know why certain things happen, but what I do know is that you are with me, and as long as I trust in you then you shall renew all things. When I started I knew that you would renew my love. You have done a marvelous job. Remembering that love is a choice, please choose to love people over finding the flaws. Better yet, pinpoint the flaws and embrace them. In doing so you will find and even greater love from within. It is easy to love someone for all the good they do, but if we love others in the midst of there harmfulness, then we shall know love unconditional. 

Lord bless us all tonight. Bless our loved ones and bless each of our decisions. I trust in you Lord. Thank you for another day of being alive.

AMEN

As I return home from my road trip I know this year will be different. Even more wonderful in it’s growth than the last. In our travels we went to Washington D.C and New York City. One of my closest friend’s that I’m currently doing music with was along for the ride. I wrote a song dedicated to the trip called “Left Behind to Just Survive”, which we recorded a few days prior to leaving. In every essence of the song, it truly came to life. My friend and I are on almost the same journey. Although mine is a bit ahead in a spiritual sense as well as the time that it has been since I’ve started my separation, he and I are quite the same in almost every other sense. Talk about amazing timing of the Lord and bringing people together when it is most needed. 

All the people that are currently people I hang out with either on a day to day basis or a week to week basis are ones that can relate in the way of separation and divorce. Which in itself is very comforting when I sometimes feel that there is no one who understands. The trip was no only an eye opener, but and heart opener. My whole life I’ve wanted nothing more than to play music on the street in front of who ever was walking by. Those are the musicians who are the most real to me. People who do it simply because they love it, and they have humbled themselves enough to do it with a factor that it may be completely over looked, but still they are out there because it represents all of who they are. 

I haven’t felt God in such a way in such a long time. We are putting a video together for the song that has us playing in different cities which we will splice together to show where we’ve been. We played in front of the White House, the Pentagon , Times Square, Radio City Music Hall, Central Park, the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception and a few more locations. I have never felt so alive and in tune with the world, the people in it, and with God. I finally felt like I was home. I felt like I was finally myself. I finally felt like I had been heard. It didn’t matter if people were hearing the words that were being sung. They could see it written on my face. It ‘s where the body, heart and  soul all find there common ground and just become one.

I’m ready to embrace all of what this new year shall bring. My devotional title this morning was “Healed inside and out”. I think that may almost be completely true. In the hole that was vacant from my wife, the Lord has placed a companion in my life to walk along side me. She is the friend I had mentioned a while back that I had met on my retreat. Her situation is the same as mine in a lot of ways and the Lord led us together for a reason. We are very different in every so many ways other than our spirituality and how we connect with God. I guess that’s the only thing that matters in the end. Starting the retreat I had gone on, I left myself open to the Lord to do as He pleased with me. I pulled up into the parking lot with and open heart and said “God, let there be something or someone here I can connect with”. Ask and you shall receive. I saw her walking in towards the retreat building and I knew it would be her He had chosen me to speak with the entire time. I wasn’t on the search for someone in this way, but the Lord obviously has some sort of plan to why we are in each other’s lives.

The ministry “Know Hope” has been something that she had felt overly passionate about since she met me. Coming up with this concept a while back, I said to God, “If this ministry wasn’t meant for me than may it belong to someone who it is meant for”. I believe whole heartedly that it was meant for her. The fact that I have it tattooed on my knuckles may have been both a phrase to be my rock that I could hold onto during my turn around. It also may be the phrase that carries me to the next and tells the next part of the story. She has had a lot more conviction to the ministry than I have, so I think it is amazing that yet again God has taken something and worked it to His good. I no longer care to claim ownership over ideas or concepts what so ever. I try to do nothing that will gain me unnecessary attention or authority unless God calls me to do so. 

Today is a great day. To most it would seem like not the best way to start the year, but I see blessings in everything that won’t kill me. Even in situations that my do so I hope to still see the same. God always frees my time up when He wants me to write. I sit this morning in the bookstore parking lot waiting for them to open because I was not able to attend work today. Come to find out my license has been suspended so I couldn’t get a pass to get on the base this morning to go to work. So today is the day to figure that out. I know my life is about to take a turn , so I look at each incidence as God at work. All He calls me to do is trust in Him and try my best. The rest will fall into place. 

Well, we begin a new year, a new blog and a new way of life. I continue to pray for guidance in every aspect of life. I know I will be humbled even further this year, whether it is losing more of my earthly possessions or sacrifices things of importance, but what ever happens I know it is my will and it is what has to happen for me to be the man of God He has called me to be.

As I began this writing I sat in the parking lot, I left part way through in order to make  a final payment to my wife for a car issue. I got to see her for about 30 minutes and hang out with my cats that I haven’t been able to see for months. Today was the first time the Lord put my anxiety to rest. It was comforting and natural. Today I accepted the events that have taken place which have led me to this point. I was no longer sad. I left today with a hug and exchanged the words through text stating that I wished her the world and that I’ll always love her. She responded saying that I will always have a place in her heart. Today I knew I had been set free. 

I want to start this new blog by saying I pray for my wife’s  healing with every fiber of my being. I pray that if she is not to be in my life any further, that she finds happiness in it’s most genuine sense. I pray today for my new close friend’s healing as well. For her husband’s healing and for the Lord to bring that entire situation to where it needs to be in order for all parties to grow in love and compassion. 

The people we meet along the way may not always be called to be in our lives forever, but let them not be forgotten for the whatever good and joy they have brought to us. 

AMEN